Upon arriving at Christy and U-boat’s pad in Oakland, La Isla Tortuga, guests are required to weigh in before and after gorging themselves on entirely too much food. There is a contest, I guess, to see who can put on the most weight, which is usually won by Edgar or Victor, who celebrate by rolling around on the floor clutching their tummy. This year U-boat got a new smart scale which measures fat and water percentage of body weight. Anyone who tries to question its accuracy is immediately confronted with a multiple regression chart correlating it with deuterium dioxide tests. As you know, graphs are hard to argue with, even if they are badly labeled, drawn in a misleading manner, or have any number of other deficiencies. Apparently, I weighed 148.9 lbs before eating (9.7% body fat), 150.1 lbs after eating (10.4% body fat), and 134.2 lbs (9.2% body fat) after a violent case of food poisoning. While not recommended in general because of chills, double vision, and a deep-seating longing for death, food poisoning is probably as effective as anorexia, bulimia, tapeworms, poverty, or celery.


~ by Paul Pham on 27 November 2006.

One Response to “angstgiving”

  1. 22!

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